It’s true that you can’t put a price on your child’s happiness. As parents, we often do everything we can to ensure our children are happy, healthy and thriving. So, what can you do when your child is suffering each day at the hands of others? Assaulted physically and tormented psychologically? One mum shares the impact of school bullying on her child.
The love we have for our children can’t be measured. Nor can the lengths we go in protecting them. How many sleepless nights have you kept bedside vigils during illness, fretting at their rising temperatures, administering 1am medicine swiftly so as not to disturb their slumber?
These are all measures within our control.
So, what happens when you hand over your precious child to the governance of school, only to watch them being brutally assaulted physically and tormented psychologically, with little-to-nothing you can do about it. This is the misery of school bullying.
Meet Jayce
Jayce is a good-looking boy. He’s your typical rough ‘n tumble, active, adventurous, sporty, tackle-to-the-ground child. He’s into the latest fads, social media trends, cool YouTubers, collecting Pokemon cards and anything else that excites a ten-year-old boy. He’s funny, friendly, sociable kid, and liked by his teachers who speak highly of his polite disposition, class conduct and diligence.
By all accounts, he’s thriving. Most endearing of all is his bright cheerful friendly nature. At least it was, until the toxic scourge of bullying turned his world a dismal grey misery.
It all started with some punches thrown at Jayce at the bully’s bidding and amusement. This bully coerced others to join using manipulative tactics, like making up lies about Jayce just to rile up cohorts. Jayce’s confusion as he tried to reconcile this vicious act from a boy he’d considered a good friend added an extra blow. The mental anguish of this was a bonus to physical pain, the humiliation and the hurt of outright rejection my son felt that day and many others to follow. All the attacks on him came out of the blue and caught him unaware. It was like it had almost become a sport.
The group mentality: school bullying
Soon, the whole group turned on Jayce, and then other groups of boys, until the whole grade outright snubbed him. When he went up to a group of kids playing with carefree joy, they yelled out, “Run! It’s Jayce! Run away from him!”
Bullying is an insidious contagious virus that spreads, infecting other kids who are then turned off the victim. Nobody would talk to Jayce, play with him, partner up with him, include him, or invite him anywhere – he was ostracised. He had no friends.
Maybe it’s survival instinct: if kids don’t demonstrate their contempt for the victim to gain favour with the bully – then they might risk being the next target.
These brutal assaults consisted of deliberate full-force hits to the face with a basketball. Bending Jayce’s fingers right back with a hard force, causing him intense pain. One culprit, who was the most violent of them all, liked to pretend he was being friendly again, so, when Jayce would go up to him and the group at recess, the boy would bend forward, bringing up clenched fists to his mouth in a mocking cough, suddenly hurl himself forward, pretending to have a coughing fit, then quickly punch full force in Jayce’s stomach. As with his every assault, he’d mockingly say, “Sorry, it was an accident”.
Finding help with school bullying
Even adults would be unable to withstand such abuse, especially over a long period of time. In any given situation, social groups, online, family, friends, work or team sports, the ongoing systematic and routine ostracisation, abuse, assaults and aspersions made would eventually break them down. So, what chance did a child who couldn’t comprehend why he was been subjected to constant painful inflictions stand?
Where were the teachers? They knew my son was assaulted on a number of occasions, so why weren’t these kids being monitored?
Why was this allowed to continue despite my many meetings with the principal and my son’s teacher?
Why did the teacher on playground duty throw his arms in the air and exclaim “What can I do?” when Jayce told him he’d been assaulted?
And why was it such a struggle for Jayce to get any validation, when the bullies only had to deny their actions for them to be let off because it was his word against all the others?
Why was the victim usually punished?
Anybody could see the dispirited disposition of my son and realise that the boy was clearly going through some struggles.
These constant assaults on any child is excruciating painful emotionally, as well as physically. But sadly, the suffering doesn’t begin and end within each of these attacks. It continues long after, impacting on their confidence and mental health.
Countless emails, phone calls, meetings with the school principal, his teacher, as well as the authorities – yet nothing was done to stop this continued abuse of my child. I tried so hard to communicate my concerns to the other parents, sending multiple texts with heartfelt pleas, always written with sensitive diplomacy, so that they could understand our grief and perhaps speak to their child, learn the cause of the abuse, and then perhaps instill in their child the kind of empathy I had hope to seek in the parents.
Walking home from school after another harrowing day, Jayce told me that he had gone to see the school counsellor after another bullying incident. I was keen to ask what the counsellor had advised him to do. My son answered, “Oh, he just said to ignore it”.
Just ignore it. Never was there a more redundant phrase.
In other words, stay quiet, allow the abuse to continue and let it fester inside until it destroys you.
A broken system
This story in no way condemns the school. The school in its entirety; teachers and all staff alike, are all wonderful. The principal especially is extremely lovely, friendly, kind and genuinely cares for all the students and parents alike.
The guidelines to which the school must adhere to in their handling of school bullying is what I fault. All measures, policies and procedures within those guidelines are null, obsolete and futile.
There was no other way – the boy had to learn to protect himself.
We know very well that violence is not the answer. Violence, responded with violence ignites a tinder to a towering inferno, and unfortunately, especially in young male adults, the outcome can be fatal. So, it goes against every grain of logic that any semblance of physical violence could be a solution to ongoing abuse.
But herein lies the irony, those who are champion fighters, whether it be boxing or any form of the martial arts, are pretty conciliatory and have more of a command of themselves – even if they’re capable of swiftly annihilating their enemies.
Jayce joined Carioti MMA in Hornsby, which offers an overall positive and supportive environment popular with many fighters coming to train after work. It has proven to be a godsend.
The last goodbye
The last day of school for the year, and my darling son in ever-glowing optimism eagerly looked forward to a fun day organised by the school, going to the movies and then having a pizza party in the park.
Parents were allowed to enter the playground to watch on, and I saw Jayce playing all alone on the monkey bars. I ran to him to give him a big hug. “Five boys ganged up on me,” he said. I froze. “They were all fighting me at once.” My head started reeling as I struggled to comprehend what Jayce was telling me. Jayce then continued excitedly, “But I fought them off mum! I fought them off! It was five of them against me, and I took them on!”
I marvelled at my son. It didn’t alleviate the pain, but I marvelled at him just the same, to know that he was able to find the strength within himself: mind, body and heart, to be able to stand up to the bullies and defend himself against their attacks, instead of running away, or feeling helpless and dejected. Jayce had the courage to stand up for himself and challenge the boys who had made his life a living hell.
Those bullies can carry on being bullies, but there’s no way my son has to carry on being a victim.
