You know you have a baby when…

With mothers around Australia celebrating a special Mother’s Day today, we bring you the list of moments that really remind you what it’s like having a baby, written by NSM Sacha at some crazy hour in the morning!

You know you’ve got a baby when:

Sacha with her beautiful daughter

Sacha with her beautiful daughter

  1. You whisper more often than using your loud voice.
  2. The term ‘pat down’ doesn’t involve police, ‘to rock’ has no music, a ‘muslin wrap’ isn’t mohhamed spitting rhymes and a ‘dream feed’ is not your ultimate idea of an awesome meal!
  3. You continually sway, even when your child is on a sleep over at grandmas. And you rock everything, even the trolley at Woollies.
  4. Five hours is a long sleep… a really long sleep.
  5. Hearing other babies cry is a relief because you don’t actually have to do anything.
  6. You know it’s possible to sleep standing up.. for 2 hours… holding 5+ kgs…
  7. A poop in a nappy is something to celebrate, especially after an uncomfortable poo free three days.
  8. You can shower in four seconds.
  9. 4:30pm is a reasonable time for dinner, and 7pm is a reasonable time for bed.
  10. Going to the shops alone is a vacation.
  11. You have forgotten what sex feels like – well, fully awake sex anyway.
  12. You see 3am more often that when you were a 21-year-old party animal.
  13. You never really ‘catch up’ on your laundry. It’s impossible. There is just too much.
  14. It’s appropriate to talk out loud in public about breasts and periods and labour and thrush and infections and vaginas and vasectomies.
  15. You have two close friends and you have trouble juggling even them.
  16. You know to the 0.5 of a cent what a nappy costs… and what is a good value special.
  17. You hate red lights. They are a demon to any crying baby.
  18. There is at least two boxes of tissues in every room in your house.
  19. You know how loud a toilet flush is.
  20. You have spent an entire day walking around the mall in order to get the perfect dangly noise making colourful thingy-me-bob for a floor gym.
  21. Tummy time is a thing.
  22. There is actual an amount of spit up on your clothes that you can justify not having to get changed.
  23. You have peed holding a child. More than once.
  24. You’ve considered just leaving and going to the pub. Seriously considered it.
  25. You wear make up once a month and usually then it’s only to cover the black rings.
  26. You haven’t eaten your dinner while its warm for as long as you can remember.
  27. You can do more things one handed than most people can do with two.
  28. Your kettle is always full. And boiled.
  29. It’s perfectly reasonable to still be in your pyjamas at 3pm with the house a mess and still have had a crazy busy day.
  30. You’re used to cold tea/coffee.
  31. You can’t remember the last time you had an uninterrupted phone conversation.
  32. You have had the song ‘ready steady wiggle’ stuck in your head for a week.
  33. You know all 476 uses for baby wipes.
  34. It is mortal sin to use the microwave after 7pm and if you must must must use it then you have to open the door before it beeps!

And most of all, you know you have a baby when… all of the above seems perfectly normal and in fact a small price to pay for your precious bundle of joy. In fact you don’t even stop to think about most of these things because its all part and parcel of the pleasures of motherhood!