What I learned from going on holiday…WITHOUT the kids!

It’s a decision many parents face…whether to take a holiday but leave the little ones behind! North Shore Mum Janine Webster shares how she made her decision to go it alone – and why it was the best holiday ever!

Janine and her husband at Stonehenge

So much is written on how to travel with kids, but not about how best to travel without them.

We were confronted with this dilemma earlier this year when my mother-in-law announced, “Nikki is getting married. They have given us a date, 29 July in Bournemouth, England. You better book your tickets.”

Better book my tickets? Are you for real? I have two boys 3 and 7! The furthest we have ventured is to Vanuatu, where at least we were rewarded with a comprehensive Nanny service and kids club at the other end to recover from the flight!

Nikki is my husband’s half-sister, the product of my father-in-law’s first marriage who has always lived in England. Now in her forties, she had finally met her match. She came to our wedding almost 10 years ago and my sister-in-law’s a few years after that, not to mention a few other trips in between, so we owed it to her to be there. Besides that, we love her and didn’t want to miss out on the party!

The only question that remained was, ‘Who was the “we” that would fly across the other side of the world (literally)?’. My husband and I work full time and our annual leave is a much needed opportunity to rejuvenate. For the last 7 years, that has meant spending time with our boys as a family, usually somewhere warm with a beach. No stranger to traveling with my cherubs, I knew what would be involved in hauling this little family across the world: the 24 hour flight, the jetlag and the complete disinterest in the history, museums, restaurants and bars we would otherwise enjoy in their absence.

Speaking to friends and family, everyone had an opinion on whether this should be a kid-free holiday or not, held with equally strong conviction. From one side we heard, “Yes, you must take the kids! It will be once in a lifetime. You will not regret it!” and from the other side we heard, “Are you kidding me? They will hate it! They are too young to appreciate a trip to Europe. Leave them at home and treat it as a second honeymoon. You will not regret it!”

Attending the wedding in England

Then the grandma mafia stepped in, led by my 68 year old mother, energy abounding. “You are not taking the kids, I will look after them,” she said. Before I knew it the phone calls were exchanged and between my mum, my stepmother and my sister, a two week program of babysitting was etched. We were going it alone. I was particularly nervous about leaving my little one who has no comprehension of time, is super attached to me and it capable of chucking the best tantrum you have ever seen. This could be a disaster.

Weeks before, I started preparing the spreadsheet – uniforms, library days, homework, soccer team information, the cleaner, the gardener, etc, etc. I had no idea how complicated our life was until it in a table with supplementary instructions! In the process of detailing their lives, I realised the detail was a reflection of my need to control everything, down to the type of bread they ate. If this trip was to be a success, we needed to let go.

Before the trip, we switched tacts from speaking about what they might do when they miss us, to emphasising the fun of sleepovers and the anticipation of the presents they will receive when we return. The drop offs were easier than I thought – no tears, “Be good and we will see you soon.”

We travelled through the English country side, starting with the wedding in Bournemouth by the seaside. We experienced Stonehenge, Stratford-upon-avon, Oxford, London and Paris. For the first time in seven years, we woke up naturally, read novels, ate in beautiful restaurants, caught up with friends posted overseas, went to the theatre (twice) and experienced the museums of London and the gardens at Versailles. The absolute highlight was the wedding – set in a church followed by a reception in a beautiful mansion in the English country side. We were relaxed and free. We missed our kids…but not as much as we thought we would.

When we came home, the kids were pleased to see us – long cuddles at the doorstep. We had found a second hand Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles book at a second hand bookshop and that was all it took to appease my 3 year old.

I learned that they ate white bread, muffins, were provided with fruit juice and my 7-year-old son was driven to school in the front seat of the car (!). NOT. EVEN. LEGAL!

But in the end, they survived and we thrived. A break from parenting for a two weeks was in fact exactly what we needed. Best holiday ever.