It was a gradual addiction and one only recently realised over the festive break. Like many, when I first joined Facebook it was all about the poking (remember that?), status updates and friend count. What was I doing, who was I with and where was I doing it? How many friends did I have and where could I get more from? At the time, I was living in London so my status updates were filled with tales of amazing weekends away and various random adventures that only living in London can provide. My friend list was a mix of old, new and some completely random who I had met the night before and had no memory of whatsoever! Facebook provided me with the perfect outlet to share the many adventures I was having and stay connected with friends and family back home.
The Honeymoon Period…
When my Husband and I returned to Australia in early 2010 after a 6 month journey through South America (where I ‘status updated’ at least every two days), life suddenly wasn’t as status worthy. Thankfully Facebook had come up with new features for me to occupy my time with, so I had an app on my iPhone and could instantly upload photos; there was a check-in feature so I could see if any of my Facebook friends were ‘near me’; there were even games I could play and invite my friends to join in on. Farmville still appears on my newsfeed on occasion – seriously people, move on! My relationship with Facebook at this time was happy and healthy.
The Addiction Sets In…
And then in early 2012 after the birth of my first child, I discovered ‘groups’ and ‘pages’. It started innocently enough at first with the formation of my mother’s group whom I had met at the clinic. It was a wonderful way to arrange catch ups, get quick advice and stay in touch. Not long after, I discovered that there were many many groups on Facebook, where you could meet other mums, buy and sell various items, there is even a group for Anatidaephobia (you know, the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you) – which I can hand on my heart say, I did not become a member of. I soon joined and was added to quite a few groups, in which I could buy and sell, give and receive advice, or have lovely mummy chats. As for pages, well I liked them too! All sorts of pages, different companies, brands, goods and services. And if there was a competition? I was there, liking the page, the post, the comment, the photo – whatever. I even created my own page when my husband challenged me to get 600 likes in order to travel to London for a friend’s wedding. Within 24 hours I had over 1000 likes! At said friend’s wedding reception, he let slip that you can actually pay money via a website to have people like a Facebook page. Hubby was none too impressed.
And Worsens…
But probably the biggest fuel for my addiction emerged when I was asked to become a Group Admin. Stop. Who am I kidding, I volunteered! At first I thought it sounded like fun, a great way to make my time on Facebook more meaningful. And initially it was, I suddenly had a purpose, an excuse, for constantly being on Facebook. I had join requests to approve, rule breakers to discipline and various things to delete. One group led to another and then another and before long I found myself as admin on five different groups. I was on Facebook constantly, not because I had to, but that I was simply drawn to it. Every month my data usage would be quickly used up and my phone was constantly in my hands. I was checking it in the car, at the supermarket – wherever I was! With the arrival of baby number two in August of last year it got worse and not better, because now my ‘down time’ feeding the baby was also consumed by Facebook.
The Epiphany
In the lead up to Christmas, I knew I had a problem and my husband knew it too. ‘No more Facebook after 8pm’ he said. ‘But business hour is from 8-9pm!’ was my response. He looked at me blankly and I knew a change was needed. He suggested an app that records the amount of Facebook usage on my iPhone, but I wasn’t ready to face that reality. I pulled back from a couple of groups but things didn’t really change. It was only when the groups I remained admin on closed down over the Xmas and New Year period that I realised what was required. Suddenly there were no more notifications of a new post and that thrill of there being one disappeared. Gone was the temptation to buy something as there was nothing new appearing in my newsfeed. I found myself no longer reaching for my iPhone but picking up a book instead or taking the dog for a walk. When the groups were re-opened, I felt the ‘heartsink’more than anything else. I wasn’t looking forward to it, being an admin is actually hard work and when you feel it has taken over your life, it’s certainly no longer fun.
The First Steps To Recovery…
So I’ve decided to go cold turkey… well sort of. I’ve switched off the cellular on my iPhone and the group notification settings. If there is a new post, I don’t need to know about it straight away – it will still be there when I eventually check later. I will post or comment only if absolutely necessary and relevant to me and not just for the sake of it. I will keep in mind that there are other admin to share the load with and that I do not need to monitor it all. I will leave my iPhone in the bedroom when my kids are awake and spend the time engaging and conversing with them rather than peering over the phone at my 2-year-old as she eats her breakfast. I will no longer write ‘Happy Birthday’ on a friend’s wall, but send them a card instead and actually call them on the day. And to my Husband’s delight, I will stop buying things that I do not need simply because it is an absolute bargain and I must must have it. (Side note: since writing this I have actually purchased a cot, change table and under draw tidy which I do not need but it was such a bargain I couldn’t resist. Perhaps some professional help is going to be required!).
Facebook has given me many wonderful things over the years but our relationship has become unhealthy. It’s time to stop reading and commenting on other people’s lives and focus more on my own.
Oh and for any other addicts out there seeking help for their addiction? Don’t join one of the 100’s of Facebook addict groups or pages, just switch the computer and phone off first and go from there!
Are you addicted to Facebook? Have you made any New Year’s Resolutions to make any changes?